Sometimes I wonder if written in the stars, a million miles away, are the answers to all of life's biggest questions. I wish I could get to this place and find the answers I seek. My heart, mind, and soul are at an intersection and I'm quickly trying to figure out which way to go before the light turns green and I'm left behind. I wish I could say this was a new feeling for me but I'm familiar with this road. I've been on it with it's ups and downs, twists and turns, for so long now. The destination, of course, is a sibling for Hudson, but my directions are taking me on all kinds of detours!
Through this site we have been given the gift of hope and the gift of choices. Which choice is the right one, that's the question? There are pros and cons to every choice. We are currently scheduled for two orientations at separate adoption agencies. Adoption is a wonderful choice, and just like with anything else there are endless hoops to jump through and fees to adopt. It could take years to make it happen but we are not only making our dream come true, we are helping to give a child a loving home. Hopefully, in the end, we have that missing piece to our family- a new child to love and nurture.
The other choice that has been presented to us is the use of a donor's frozen embryos offered to us by a visitor to our site. How do you thank someone for that?! The generosity is incredible! Those frozen embryos are lives just waiting to be given a chance. How wonderful that, if the IVF is successful, I would be able to carry and give birth to that baby! The big question with this is IF my body can withstand another pregnancy after having had such a hard time with the first. After all, we have tried three more rounds after Hudson, with no luck. It was an incredibly hard physical and emotional process for us both. We don't know if we even want to go through that again, and there's no guarantees it would even work. Perhaps that's just not meant to be for us, or perhaps it just wasn't the right time. There's no way of knowing for sure.
While we struggle with choosing the best road, the positive of all this is that we have choices! What a true blessing that is thanks to some truly amazing people we connected with through this site and our blog. These choices do come at a cost though, one that we can't currently afford. So, any contribution you can make to our GoFundMe here would help us get closer to achieve. Perhaps there is no "wrong turn" here. Nothing is guaranteed, but hopefully no matter what road we choose will lead us to another child, a son or daughter for Matt and me and a sibling for Hudson. Our family would be complete. There is simply no greater blessing. We must take a leap of faith. We are confident that another child is written in the stars for us, and we can't wait to meet him or her someday!